The Day I Realized It Wasn’t Me
There’s a moment I see repeatedly in midlife women.
It usually doesn’t happen all at once.
It builds.
Something stops working.
The food that used to “work” … doesn’t. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say “nonfood” as we so often relied upon the Eat Less – Move More philosophy of releasing excess weight.
At 28, I released 75 pounds that I gained while pregnant with my son. My method: Lean Cuisine and Diet Coke for 7 months. I would not call that a healthy eating plan.
But…it worked back then, and it was easy, I just did it.
The routines that used to feel easy… feel harder. In truth, they feel impossible. You feel as if you are fighting your body every step of the way.
Sleep changes. Mood shifts. Energy dips.
And there’s this quiet question in the background:
“What am I doing wrong?”
And because most of us were taught some version of:
Calorie in…calorie out…try harder…
we don’t question the advice.
We question ourselves.
So, we tighten things up.
We become more disciplined.
More restrictive.
More focused on “getting back on track.”
But what if…
you’re not off track?
What if you’re following directions that no longer apply?
That realization changes everything.
Not overnight.
Not magically.
But fundamentally.
Because when you stop assuming you are the problem…
you create space to understand what’s happening.
And for many women in midlife, what’s happening is not failure.
It’s transition.
A biological, hormonal, whole-body shift that was never really explained to us.
And without that explanation, we fill in the blanks with self-blame.
I see it every day.
Smart, capable, disciplined women…
thinking they’ve lost something.
When in reality…
they were never given the right map for this stage of life.
Is it like childbirth? It does seem an unwritten rule that women who give birth do not share the details of the experience with pregnant women.
Does that same rule somehow exist for perimenopause and post menopause? After all, childbirth is different for every woman, just as the experience of menopause is different for every woman.
Perhaps therein lies some of the truth – we don’t want to frighten pregnant women with our stories of childbirth, and we don’t want to burden women in midlife with potential menopause challenges.
If this resonates, you’re not alone. If you are heading toward a wonderful destination without the slightest directions, you will be okay!
And more importantly…
you’re not broken.
Debbie
