Why No One Told You About This
When I was about 11 years old, my mom brought home a booklet.
It was pink.
And it explained what would happen to my body.
It walked me through puberty, step by step.
I read it every day.
Studied every graphic.
I couldn’t wait to “be a woman.”
(The heavy periods, awful cramps, breakouts, mood swings, and bloat came later… ‘wink.’)
But I had a map.
So, when things did start to change…
I knew what it was.
The morning, I woke up 3,000 miles away -
in my dad and stepmom’s house,
with red sheets…
It only took me a minute to calm down and know what it was.
Not because I figured it out on my own.
But because someone had given me a roadmap.
I had read that map over and over.
In truth, I had memorized it.
Fast forward decades later.
My body started changing again.
My lifelong battle with weight,
something I used to feel like I could manage, suddenly became frustrating and confusing.
Nothing that used to work… worked.
Sleep.
Weight.
Brain fog.
Mood.
Hot flashes.
Night sweats.
Energy.
And oh… the sudden rage.
Everything felt different.
And this time? There was no pink booklet.
No clear explanation.
No roadmap.
No one saying,
“This is normal. This is what’s happening.”
And like so many women…
I didn’t think,
“Why wasn’t I taught this?”
I thought:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Let me ask my doctor.”
And what I hear over and over from women is some version of:
“It’s just menopause.”
Not because doctors don’t care, but because this stage of life hasn’t been deeply taught.
That’s why I’m doing my TEDx on May 28th in Wilmington, DE.
To help change the way our medical system prepares doctors
to guide women through the stages of menopause.
Because when something isn’t explained…
We don’t leave it blank.
We fill it in.
And most women fill it in with:
“I’m failing.”
“I’ve lost control.”
“My body is broken.”
But what if that’s not the truth?
What if the real issue isn’t you…
but the fact that this stage of life was never fully explained,
to you… Or even to your doctor?
We prepare girls for puberty.
But we don’t prepare women for midlife.
And that gap?
It changes how women see themselves.
So, if you’re in this season and things feel unfamiliar…
It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
It might mean…
no one ever gave you the map.
Personal irony – during the time I began my quest to figure out how to elevate my health and release my excess weight in post menopause, I was diagnosed with estrogen-based Stage I breast cancer. It was caught very early, so I am good. The irony is that my doctors taught me a ton about the cancer but hadn’t known how to explain menopause to me. It’s time for a new map.
You are not broken; you are becoming.
– Debbie
